Ouch… I did this for eight years. Same here — ended in May too. I am over it though. It took 8 months and heaps of therapy and bans on dating and ripping down online profiles. I continued having sex with my ex-AC even after he showed me so clearly he was using me for sex and was really not interested in a relationship with me. Stupid me — I thought if I gave him the hottest dirtiest sex ever he would not be able to resist me and would fall madly in love with me and feel for me what I felt for him.
How wrong I was!! I thought if I gave him the hottest dirtiest sex ever he would not be able to resist me and would fall madly in love with me and feel for me what I felt for him. Unavailable is totally and completely oversexed. You cannot sex them into commitment. His audio should match his video! I have had men say they want a relationship with me and that there is no other woman they want.
However, until they fully say AND DO what feels right and consistant to you, make them fight for you. Always having other males in your life continues to let men know you are not going to be sitting around waiting for them to do right by you. Even if you have a favorite one you MUST date others until the right one does right by you. Thanks for your post! I was faithful to AC and ended up with broken heart! What is the need for a boatload of attention? I seem not to be wired to date multiple men — but I am open to ideas.
Guys do get crazy for you when you are dating another guy. This happened with this past boyfriend, as well as the boyfriend before that. A man open to commitment would never do that, but an EUm would, just to win. And would you offer commitment to a man who dates several other women at the same time as you? I think that is a very EU behaviour and rather typical of people who use mostly online dating- the plenty of fish in the sea mentality.
The being on the lookout for something better. No, not for me.
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I think if you like someone, give them a chance…but flush at the first boundary crossing and then be open to someone else. Broadsided — this almost happened to me, too. He sent me flattering e-mails and texts and called me on the phone. The second time we had dinner, he told me he was going to leave his wife and move into an apartment and was looking forward to spending weekends with me and his two sons.
Oh, and he kept going on about how he saw a future with me big-time future faker. My stomach rolls when I see him and he has the nerve to say hello and be all pleasant, like nothing ever happened.
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Still trying to figure that one out. Sometimes I think I want lightning or and STI to strike them and teach them a lesson — but you know what, I move on and am in a much much better place now. After that time he has moved across country , I was able to recontact him just to ask a couple of questions about things he knew about, etc. He has no more hold on my heart or body.
He posted on Facebook that he was now single after all these cute pictures of us, which had received nice comments. But maybe this is a good thing? No sympathy is required. Once again, I can relate. But my legs instead became cement blocks, and my mind froze too, I guess to avoid reality, and what I percieved as the pain reality would bring. But all the while too, my stomach was turning. The last AC was the one who changed the goal posts nearly everyday, told me one thing and did another, told me really crappy things, but I took them like I deserved it and minimized.
Because afterall, I was the one still there, even after all the bullshit.
I was still in his bed. To get what he wanted. But either way, he says some ugly thing to cancel it out anyway, putting my expectations back down so he has what he wants on his terms. Neither one of us will end it, because sadly we are alike in some ways. Like you say Natalie, why would he bring up conflict? Either way sex is always on his terms. When he wants it, he practically attacks me. I feel so broken and tired. NCC, I felt so sad after reading your post: Trust me, you will feel better, do not allow this AC to destroy your future!
It still hurts, as I saw him last October, but I would never ever allow any guy to use me!!! Please stay strong NCC, we are here you! NCC, I completely relate to what you say. Then at some random time, he decides to be lovers again and it feels authentic. It becomes a painful cycle because we want to be desired again but as we can see from this blog, sex on these one-way terms is a very poor validation of our brilliance! This is such an important realization that every woman needs to come to, sooner or later. Unfortunately for us, a great many man are quite capable of having sex with absolutely no feeling beyond that he finds us attractive enough.
I think I know what you mean: When I stopped contacting them, they stopped contacting me. And, when I was in the hospital, do you think they came to visit me? He never bothered to contact me again…. What if I had died? Or, just needed a friend. I see these men from time to time from a distance, and they look happy as larks, and believe me when I tell you that they could care less about me.
I mean I reaaaallyy thought it was my fault. I mean what the freak? But you know, that was a great wake-up call for me, and this one man in particular… I just thought to myself: What treatment would he test me with next? And I wondered, just what in the heck kind of relationship did I really have with this guy, and how did it get to this point? You deserve, can, and will do better, when you are ready, no rush! After a year of my AC blowing hot and cold I finally showed him the door for good.
I realized that you could substitue any girl and the results would be the same. The price of being with these guys is just to high.
Yup, they do it all of the time. Same thing with sex! He did it all for the nookie! Thats why you newbies and young ladies better take heed, keep your legs closed if you want a serious relationship. He if pressures you, let him go, billions of men on the planet all you need is ONE.
He added a new chapter to the book which had me baffled.. I knew this was a lesson sent for me to listen to my inner voice and stopped seeing him.. This has really bothered me because of his use of a suto relationship with GOD…. You give me hope! She met a man who was all about God, until they got back to her house. Poor thing left to go to put dishes in the kitchen and found him naked on her couch waiting for her LOL. It is amazing to me how long it took me to acknowledge my instincts; I can see how I wait sometimes for other people to validate my red flags, and then I will act on their judgement of my gut instinct, instead of acting on my own gut instinct.
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And, it bothers me that I was so reluctant. I want to get to the point where I just flush the scum bags, but I suppose that idea would go against my nature. Ok, so I am thinking about re-entering the dating pool in 3 or 4 months, so I intend to practice, practice, and instill…. Natalie, I get this on some level. But why do guys continue to have sex. Is it really all about having sex? Is sex better for them that it is for us? I totally now accept that some guys just want to have sex.
I now accept it as a fact.
It just seems really weird. Some guys want to have sex… and then move on to the next one! Thanks so much for your insight. AC was so good at this charade. My perception got clouded because he is soooo respected at work — moving up fast and so well liked.